Thursday, January 25, 2007

Is it itchy in here, or is it just me?

First of all, let me just say, I liked the last post. A little slice of my day, it was. I'm not waiting for columnist job offers to pour in necessarily, but my lovely wife seemed to think that it sucked. I think her actual words were "did you mean to publish that last blog, or did you submit it by mistake, ass". Actually, I added the "ass" part, but you get the drift. Lets try another little slice, and see if it passes muster.
So I get to work the other day just in time to find our fish delivery guy wheeling in a hand truck full of fun. Twelve sides of perfectly red salmon, wee little fins still quivering on the sides; a ten pound hunk of Mahi, firm, white and odorless; and five pounds of skate wings, which for those of you who haven't experienced the majesty of skate, is a marvelously mild half-moon shaped filet with little ridges that make it look a bit like a pair of corduroy pants. Big fan of corduroy pants, by the way, but they make my butt look like an enormous panini, so I try to stay away from them.
Salmon first, I trim the fins and wrap each filet individually to go into the fridge. Then the Mahi, which gets chopped into 2 1/2 pound pieces, to be used for soup or some future catering event, and tossed into the freezer. Skate is last, because it's the easiest and I like to feel like I'm getting faster at butchering - it just needs a quick wrap and away it goes. Suddenly, I notice that my hands are getting a bit irritated - I figure from 20 minute of fish slime, so I wash them off and keep going. Again, my hands start itching like they're on fire... and suddenly it dawns on me, I think I'm getting a seafood allergy.
As soon as I'm finished - because I'm half curious and half freaking out - I google 'skate' and 'allergy', and the first thing that comes up is an article about a chef that developed a fish allergy and can't even serve lobster or skate in his restaurant anymore.


At the moment, it's just an itch, so I'm trying to contain myself.... and thinking maybe I'll start a cookbook for the fish haters out there... or maybe just make up a Benedryl Bouillabaisse... yeah, that's the ticket...

Monday, January 08, 2007

Stranded At The Drive In, Branded A Fool

"Girls in this school are crazy."
That's how it all started. There I was sitting at my desk, getting ready to leave for the day, when a 16 year old girl named Heather came in and plopped down next to me.
"Yes, yes they are."... doing my best not to get roped into another one of these conversations with her.... which, of course, doesn't work.
"All I said to Lindsey was that she shouldn't be so mean to her boyfriend because he's a nice guy and it's just not right to treat him like that in front of everybody and now she's all mad at me but I had to say something because like I think that the way you treat people now is like how you're going to treat people when your older and she's my best friend and who is going to like her if she keeps treating people like that whenever they say something you don't like..."
"But Heather..."
"... and I saw her talking to Jen and now the two of them aren't talking to me even though all I meant was she should be mean to people and yesterday I got this weird rash on the top of my legs and it's all bumpy so my aunt who's a doctor came over and said that I should take benedryl to see if it helps but I can't because I'd just sleep all day..."
"So did you try to..."
"...and my parents are going to the Bahamas for five days and I get to stay home by myself for the first time and I can't believe they're actually going it's going to be killer so if I'm not here I'm probably skipping or I missed my train..."
... and on and on it went. Seriously, I even toned it down a little... and all I could think was, for the love of god, please let Lily skip this stage.
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